A Thankful Heart...

O give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known His doings among the peoples!
1 Chronicles 16: 8

I am going to join many of my blogging friends and list things I am thankful for! I can't seem to find 1 sentence to summarize things, so a paragraph will have to do. :)
There is so much to be thankful for, but I will start here!

I am thankful for....

1] Alex. I am so thankful for my husband and best friend... I have never laughed or cried so much with another person. We are learning how to "do life" together, and some days are easier than the next, but every day is a gift. I have never met a person like him, and I knew he was different from the very beginning. I learn something new about him every day. He encourages me, inspires me, provokes me & is always calling me into my destiny. He has taught me that no circumstance can keep me from my calling & every day is a chance to start over. When I am having a bad day he reminds me that every time I choose not to quit, I am succeeding. He makes me laugh when I want to cry, and wipes my tears when it's too late. I love him deeply & can't wait to see what the future will bring.

"Da-Da"


My sweeties.



Love of my life.


We need some updated pics!



2] Anna Jael. Where do I even begin? My heart overflows with love for this girl... She is the greatest gift I could ever hold. Her smile lights up the world! She has taught me so much in her 18 months of life... I can remember so clearly her first few hours of life... She was wrapped up in white, smokey eyes wide open, staring straight into my heart. I had no idea who I was looking at that day. I didn't know the depth at which I would learn to love. I am so thankful for this precious child. I love her each day more and more.

My Anna


I could post 100 pics, but I won't. :)


5 days old..my treasure.


3] Family. I am so thankful for my parents & sisters! I am humbled when I think back on my childhood/teenage years....My parents still love me??? And my poor sisters.. I was such a mess!!! Yet, through all of the years, good choices..bad choices..tantrums , fights & many tears, they all still speak to me. And thank God, now I am a new creation! :) Every family has its flaws, because none of us are perfect, but I am so BLESSED to be able to say that there has never been a time when I cried out for "HELP" that one of these 4 people haven't been there. I love my family & I am so thankful for the GOOD memories that do exist & the bad ones that made us stronger. :)

Daddy-O


The Bates Girls


Our babies!


Us as babies..




4] True Friends. Friends that don't disappear when times get tough. Friends that don't gossip. Friends you can call at a moments notice & they will come help you pack & move. Just. Like. That. Friends you can laugh with, cry with and eat what you REALLY want with. ;) Friends who are TRULY happy for you when you succeed and that grieve with you when you "fail". Friends that don't count the miles. Friends that don't tell you the jeans are too tight, but just buy you a new pair that fit! ha! Friends that love & care and (sorry for rhyming) are always there! Irreplaceable, devoted, come-what-may-friends.

"Back in the day"


A little more current..


Brenny.


Roomies in heaven.


We need to update this Tashie!




5] My Ethiopia Family. We are going on 4 years since we met in July of 2008. 20 something people from all across the country met up in Dallas, Tx. and traveled together to Africa for 2 short weeks... We all fell in love with the beautiful people of Ethiopia & with each other! God has since been knitting our hearts together, even with the miles between us... it seems like we grow closer every month. We try to meet up AT LEAST twice a year..and each time I leave loving them more than before. They are beautiful people, all so different and it's just amazing. I consider them family. I am thankful.

In Ethiopia..2008


Atlanta..2009


Atlanta... 2010


Nashville... 2011


Colorado... 2011







I AM THANKFUL!!!!

A new adventure!

So much has happened this month! I feel like I am in a whirl wind...but a good one! (Nahum 1:3) =) Let me update real quick!

* Anna is 17 months old!!! She is growing so quickly and beautifully! She is in the 90% as always and her doctors say she is brilliant. =) She has a love for animals that is growing by the minute! Anything that walks on 4 legs is called a "Nonnie". She is a delight! I am so grateful for such a sweet & loving baby. When Alex leaves for work she insists on a dozen kisses and she sings "da-da, da-da" when she is going to sleep. It is so precious...

* Fall is here & winter is coming, so I am about to be baking up a storm! I looove this time of year! Pumpkin everything & lots of homemade soup! :) I also can't wait for the family gatherings... it gets busy, but I love having everyone together. We will be missing my Sister & her family a lot this year, but I know they will be loving their first white Christmas in Colorado!

* Last but not least, I am about to start school to become a Doula! (screams) If you know me well, or at all...you know this must be God! I have had a fear of childbirth my whole life. It wasn't until I got pregnant with Anna that I was forced to overcome that fear. Through much prayer & hours and hours spent reading scriptures in the bible about childbirth and what it was intended to be, I was able to overcome that fear. My delivery was seriously a JOYOUS occasion! I did not dread it, panic or worry...I embraced it & welcomed Anna with peace & calm. I would do it again 100 times the same way! I give God all of the glory for that, because I know in my own strength it isn't possible.

Point being...

I know there are women EVERYWHERE who are battling fear & torment about childbirth. Children are the greatest blessing, apart from salvation that we can recieve from God... I am so excited that I get to be a part of helping women overcome their fears of childbirth & welcome their blessing into the world! Doula means: a women who serves. I will be serving women & their families during pregnancy & delivery and sometimes after delivery as well. I have only just begun this process so I don't even know the extent of what I will be doing, but I am SO excited & honored to be a part of it!

One of the very best parts about this is, it won't change very much about our lifestyle. I still get to be home with Anna every day and I can pick how many clients I take on. This is such a perk for me because I love being at home with her. I start class in 11 days & I'm guessing I will mention that in my next post! :)

Hope everyone is BLESSED!!!

The LORD is slow to anger but great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet.. Nahum 1:3... <--

It's all about how you handle it...

Fall is HERE!!! I am so happy about this! September in Georgia is my favorite time of year, it is SO beautiful! The leaves are changing, the wind is blowing and the countdown to the winter holidays is about to begin! (yes, I start counting down in October!) I am loving this season!!!

There have been lots of changes going on with us, yet again. It seems life is always changing faster than I am ready for it to...but I know that is God's way. He gave us 4 seasons...and it's almost as if just when you get used to one, it changes. Maybe it's a way to keep us from getting too comforatable and unwilling to move/grow/change when He wants us to? My life, atleast is always changing...and I hold my breath, because I never know what the next season will bring.

This month for me has been sort of a roller coaster. I have had more ups and downs, back to back. The reality that Anna is growing from a baby to a toddler before my very eyes just about brings me to tears! I have had 2 amazing job offers just this week! And part of me thinks it would be awesome to "get back into the world", (out of the house). And another part of me cringes at the thought of leaving Anna to grow up without me! (Dramatic, I know, but that's how it would feel!) This decision has been much more emotional than I had planned. I turned down both jobs. I look at my mom, and even Alex's mom and I see where they are in their lives... They are both doing things they love doing, and from my perspective they are only at the beginning of another really long season of life. I want to soak up these next several years with Anna... I am really loving every second of motherhood and even the highest paying job couldn't make up for what I would miss with her. I know there will be a season later in life where she grows up and moves into her next role in life, and I will be fine with that. And I will be more than happy to step into my next role in life as well.

There have been several other things that have come up this month that have triggered my emotions, all of them were at the time a huge deal to me, but now seem so silly I can't even admit to them. :) But I will tell you how I came to this conclusion...

I am working 2 mornings a week with a dear friend. I was nannying for her earlier this summer, and now I am helping her with her new business. It is perfect for me because it is only a few hours & a couple of days, and she is fabulous and I love spending time with her. We were talking yesterday, and it was almost like she could read my mind. She knew exactly what I was "stressing" over. So she told me a few stories from her life and the bottom line was... It's all about how you handle it. When troubles come, or worries or problems... Look to Jesus. Don't freak out and make something little, HUGE. Just look to Jesus and let Him solve the problem for you, or lead you through to the right decision. I am a firm believer in that the Lord allows us to go through certain situations to not only build character in us, but also to teach us something about His character. He is Faithful and He doesn't freak out over our problems. I had a picture come to my mind several years ago that has helped me many times put things in perspective. I saw myself standing at the foot of this mountain, and I was staring up at it, and it was never ending! It seemed impossible that I could ever reach the top of it, much less the other side. Then I saw the mountain from the sky above it (God's perspective) and I could see the foot of the mountain, the top of the mountain and the other side of the mountain. So, God was showing me that He is not freaked out by this "trouble" I am faced with, He sees the other side... Although we can't see tomorrow, He can, and most of the time we are worried about something that was already going to be okay. (Our worrying doesn't help the situation. Matthew 6:34)

So my friend and boss, spoke to my heart when she shared her stories with me. She reminded me of things that I already know in my heart... That God is God. :) Sometimes I forget and I think I am here on this earth just to figure it all out on my own, but He is here with me every step of the way. And He already has a plan, so I don't have to think up my own, I just have to listen for His voice to tell me what to do. Doesn't that sound so much better??


God was reminding me that He sees my heart at all times, and although He understands my weak human frame, He is looking for a heart that is steadfast and unshaken. He is looking for faith and trust in my heart. I am praying that He will help me to handle troubles with grace. That the next time I am standing up against a giant mountain, that I would not look up at it, but look up to Him and find the peace that is in His eyes and just rest in that place. He is a great God!


I am meditating on these words of life today:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33


On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side.” Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. And other little boats were also with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”
Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!” Mark 4:35-41

He loves me, He loves me not, HE LOVES ME!!!

"Life is not right until You split the sky. The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come!" We long for the day when You make all things new...We want to be with You!" -Merchant Band


Jesus loves me. Really, really, He loves me!! I went to a prayer meeting a week or so ago and Alex watched Anna so I could focus. I feel like for the last 15 months, everytime I am in church I am only about 5% present..and 95% focused on that sweet bundle of love. :) Well on this night I was DESPERATE for God to show up and touch my heart. It is easy to go through the motions and read the bible and pray...but when I don't occasionally FEEL that sweet presence of God, like a giant hug from my Daddy, it can get difficult sometimes to keep pressing in.

Well, on this night He came and squished me with His love. :) He showed up and simply said, "I love you." It was very discrete...I didn't hear the audible voice of the Lord, but I felt Him say, I love you, to my heart. Those 3 words are used a lot in our house. We say, "I love you", probably a thousand times a day. ;) So, sometimes it loses its effect. It's easy to forget what it actually means. I just layed on the floor for a few minutes after the Lord spoke that to my heart... I felt like I was hearing Him speak for the first time. So I wanted to get everything out of it! When I layed down, the story of the prodigal son came into my head. I began to go over the story from what I could remember without stopping to look it up.

I began to play the story out in my head like I was watching a movie. And I began to cry like a baby. I will tell you what I was seeing in my head.

A young man approaches his father and asks him for all of his inheritance. He wants to go and "live his life", he is tired of working and he just wants to have fun. His father, reluctantly agrees. He loves his son so much, but he wants his son to choose to love him back, not just be forced to stay. So he gives him everything. The boy leaves and parties away all that he had. Every dime. Wasted on booze and women and who knows what else. Before too long he is hungry, on the streets and feeling emptier than ever. He thought all of that would make him happy...but now he feels more frustrated than before. He begins to dream of the warmth of his fathers house. There was always food, clothing, but more than that there was always love. His father required him to tend to the fields and be responsible, but he truly loved him. He decided to go back... He got up from the dirty street corner and began the long journey home. He must have practiced what he would say 1,000 times. He would ask his father to let him be a servant in the home because he knew he would be furious with him when he came back with nothing left. He would throw himself at his fathers feet and beg for mercy!

As he draws near to his fathers house he is filled with anxiety, fear and worst of all, shame. He gets a little ways off and sees a figure moving back and forth on the porch. He gets closer...and closer and he stops. His father is pacing on the porch. He looks out and sees him, and he stops, throws his hands in the air and shouts something...and begins to run. His father runs to him (which in that day was totally inappropriate), as he stands there totally perplexed. He gets closer and his arms open wide and he throws his arms around his sons neck and kisses him. His father is weeping and smiling and laughing all at the same time. Before the son can even gather his words, the Father calls everyone out! He says, "My son has come home!! Lets throw a party! Bring the best robe, new shoes and the family ring! He is home!"

And thus is the kingdom of heaven.

I am literally laying on the floor crying in the middle of a prayer meeting, I don't even care that there are 30-40 people who I barely know all around me.

God was showing me, again WHY I fell in love with Him in the first place. Because He loved me when I was unlovely. He chose me when I was making horrible decisions and wasting my life away. He picked me up out of the dirt and cleaned me off and told me I am the one He wants. I have been so caught up in "the christian life", going about my own "already saved" business that I have forgotten my first love. I have forgotten the Man behind the cross. It has become so farmiliar to me that I have forgotten altogether why I am a christian in the first place. Anybody else??

It's His kindness that leads us to repentance. His mercy that draws us in. Yes, there is a place for judgement and God does not pat our sin on the back and say, "Dark but lovely", however... if we turn to Him and are sincere in our brokenness and struggles..He DELIGHTS in setting us free!! He LOVES us!!

And the Pharisees and scribes complained, saying, “This Man receives sinners and eats with them.” 3 So He spoke this parable to them, saying:
4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ 7 I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.

Seriously?! There is more joy over the lost one who comes home than for the righteous man who is already saved. My prayer today is that I would LIVE everyday knowing and remembering the joy of my salvation. I was lost, dirty and without a place to call home...and He saved me. He humbled Himself and ran out to meet me while I was a long way off. He didn't treat me like a step-child once I came into the family, He treated me as if I was the ONLY one. This is the beauty of the kingdom. This is the beauty of this man Jesus.


“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’” Luke 15: 31-32

Psalm 23

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.
 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.

 5 You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.


Well, today this scripture means a great deal to me. The Lord speaks to me every year in the days leading up to my birthday about the next year of my life. There was something very significant about year 22 of my life. The Lord told me the last night that I was 21 that the next year would be filled with much tribulation. He told me year 22 would begin with sorrow and end with Praise. This was true in many ways...but what was so very kind about that day was that He also told me, "fear not, you will overcome and year 23 will be the year of Psalm 23." I have clung to this word from the Lord all year. It has kept me steady...or, sane atleast when times were tough. And now, I stand on the edge of year 23, not knowing what exactly He meant by that, but believing in His goodness and love towards me. I am embracing this word and eagerly expecting the provisions, peace, rest and confidence in His guidance that this scripture implies. I also understand that in order to "fear no evil", I must at some point "walk through the valley of the shadow of death". I don't know what that will look like, but I see the last verse of that psalm, and I am filled with so much joy and hope! David boldly proclaims, "And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever." I am so looking forward to this next year...and all that it brings.

I can look back on last year and see a few trials that I faced that I sort of wasted. Make sense? Instead of praising Him through the storm, I doubted at times. Instead of standing in faith, I got offended with Him for not coming quick enough. When faced with persecution, I ached and groveled much longer than I should have. I learned so much about the narrow way. My prayer for you and for myself this year is that when faced with any kind of trouble, that instead of looking the problem in the eye and trying to solve it- that we would look up into His eyes and let Him do what He will. If we can simply believe that He is good and that He really has our best interest in mind, maybe we can rest in knowing He has it under control. Sorry for the rambling. I tend to have a million words to say and only time to write 1000 of them down. He is just so good and I am so excited for this new year of my life!


I had a wonderful birthday! I feel like a kid that got everything they asked for, even though I didn't ask for anything. ;) I was so totally blessed! It's going to be a good year!!! Come what may, The Lord is my Shepherd!!! (that means I am safe as long as I follow where He leads!) :):):) good news!

Running the race...

"Take my life, Lord. Come & seal it....it's all I have to give!"

Life..........Oh, how I love it! I cherish my moments where I can sit and just "be" without doing anything! Most of those moments lately have been at night when I am about to fall asleep or when I accidentally wake up and can't fall back to sleep... A few nights ago I was laying in bed for literally hours and for the life of me, I could not fall asleep! After a while I gave up on trying to fall asleep and I just let my thoughts wander...

I realized that for my whole life I have been extremely unmotivated by nature. I have never stuck with a diet, and only by a miracle have I finished a fast or two. I often set goals, but never take even the first steps to go towards them. But there have been times in my life where I have locked my gaze in on something and given it 110%! I have been remembering a few different times in my life specifically where I was "good" at something. All of those times came from great motivation/encouragement from someone. When I ran track, I did it because the coach saw me coming down the hall at school one day and said "you will be amazing on our team! We want you!" and all through training I had many team mates telling me I would win! And I almost always did. I was confident and I was excellent at everything I did because I knew I had someone rooting for me to win & I wanted to meet that expectation. There are other examples...but this one will always stick out to me. It's a part of my nature...

The Lord has used my "track days" as an example many times to encourage me in one way or another. I know spiritually I thrive most when I have constant encouragement, which is true for most of us. It is very important for me to have someone telling me I will finish well. In some moments I have had a pastor or friend or...surprise, my husband- completely look past where I am and tell me where I will be. God knows me! He created me and knows my every thought and my every desire. He knows how I am wired, and He can speak one word of love and convict my heart. He has a special way of sending someone to love me by not focusing on my weakness today, but saying, "you will win! you will win!" This act of kindness and mercy is what pushes me to run harder after Jesus! He doesn't shake His finger at me and tell me everything I am doing wrong, He says, "Keep running! Don't take your eyes off of Me!"

How many of you have ever been jogging or running? You know that it is impossible to look at your belly button and not stumble or come off course. When you are running, espically at a high speed, you can easily look to the left or the right...but if you look that way for too long you will eventually start running in a different direction. You must look forward, constantly! I am finding it hard in this very moment to see myself as "winning" , and somedays I feel like I have no one cheering for me...but I know Jesus is standing at the finish line rooting for me at every moment! Even now, I can hear His words being sung by Misty Edwards, "just don't give up! Don't give in! If you don't quit, you win! You win!" Is it that simple? I have heard it preached many times that it is impossible to just stand still in your relationship with the Lord. If you aren't moving forward, you are ultimately moving backwards. I believe this is true. If Alex and I just continued to live together but never have conversation, or shared our hearts, we would eventually drift apart. We can't make it for the next 50-60 years with just our 2 1/2 years of history & relationship to sustain us. We must continue to run together, in the same direction.

This is my prayer,
Jesus, help me to keep my eyes on the prize! You are the goal! You are the prize! Help me to remember when I look to my left and my right and see people passing me, I run my own race before you...I do not compete against my brother or my sister. We all run to You, for You. Right now You have not called me to a public ministry, or to have a successful career. You have called me to be like Mary, to sit at Your feet and to learn from you. You have called me to be like Rachel, who weeps for the children. You have called me to be like Ruth, to follow where You lead. While I am a wife, while I am a mother...You have called me to run to You! Help me to be "all in", and not half hearted as I am often tempted to be. I will cling to You and You alone. Thank You for being my portion & my hope in this life. <3

Back again with much to say...

I am back! After several months of not updating, I am returning once again. So much has happened since I have posted last, and I am not sure where to start.

*For starters, we have moved to another city...not far from "home", but far enough that it has brought a good bit of distance between our family and the ones we love. This has been both good/exciting, and hard. We used to be just a short drive to my parents house and to just about everyone I know. Now it is about 40 minutes... not terribly far, but it makes getting together with people a couple of times a week a little more difficult. While it has sort of been a lonely season, it has been so good for my relationship with the Lord. I never realized how much those lunch dates and coffee dates kept me from "needing" time with God. We can become so full of good things that we don't have room in our day and our hearts for the BEST thing..which is communion with Christ. So, I call this my season of "time out". While I love and miss seeing all of my people so often, I am so enjoying this season of getting to know my Papa God again.

*Anna is 1 year and 2 months old! She is sleeping 12-13 hours a night (PTL) and feeding herself. Her level of communication is amazing me! She says "yummy yummy yummy" when she is hungry. She is clapping, dancing, singing and laughing. She is RUNNING instead of walking, and pointing at everything she wants. I am amazed by her daily. She is so loving and kind, she has more patience than I do and she loves hugs and kisses. Puppies and kittens make her squeal for joy and she loves laying in the grass anytime we go outside. She is beautiful. Her height and weight are in the 95 percentile and she is wearing 12-18 month clothes! So she will be tall like Mama. :)

*We are still doing much "soul searching" about where we are going to be next. We are not digging our roots down deep here, although it is a lovely town we feel like it is only temporary. We will be happy and willing to go anywhere the Lord leads us.


The Lord has used this season in so many ways to help me let go and trust God even more with our lives. I am finding myself more and more frustrated when I take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on the things and people around me. It is so easy to forget what God has called you to and start wanting the American Dream sometimes. I think this is espically hard for mothers, because we are always feeling the weight of another life besides our own. Wouldn't it make things so much easier if we just had _______________ and if _______________ would hurry up and happen?? And the truth is, things would be easier, but it wouldn't be satisfying. Our hearts can only be satisfied when we are walking in the will of the Lord for our lives. Not our neighbors life, not our parents life, and not our BFF's life. So, God has been teaching me that if I will do what He has called me to- without the fear of what he or she will think...then and only then will I be content and filled with peace.

This is true for you too. How many dreams do you have locked away in your heart that have stayed in hiding because someone told you you couldn't do that? Remember that you will stand before God and He will ask you why you didn't do this thing or that thing...and, "my parents told me not to" is not an acceptable response. We all have one life here on earth. We have one chance to love Jesus when it's not always easy. Some get 20 years, some get 100. God is looking for a heart that is unashamed of Him and unafraid of man. A heart that will say, "Yes, Lord!" in the face of persecution. As John Wesley put it,
“Give me one hundred men who love only God with all their heart and hate only sin with all their heart, and we will shake the gates of hell and bring in the kingdom of God in one generation.”

I do not want the American dream, as tempting as it may be some days, but this is my dream: I want to see blind eyes open, I want to see the lame man RUN, I want to see the orphan find a loving home, I want to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I want to see revival come to America and the Nations of the earth. I want to see toddlers preach the gospel and choose worship over barbies and hotwheels. I want to see a generation fall in love with Jesus, not just one moment in a meeting, but all day everyday. I want to see food multiplied to feed the hungry. I want to see BORING, STALE, Church meetings come alive with the presence of God. I want to proove that it IS possible for a Mommy to be radical in this day and hour. My destiny will not be put on hold until Anna graduates high school...My destiny is today and everyday and I want her to be able to remember me not as the mommy who always had fresh baked cookies when she got home from school (which I probably will) but as a woman of prayer who loved Jesus and loved others well. I want to stand for truth and holiness even when people think it's foolish.---This is my dream.

I believe He loves me. That's all I need to know...

"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..."
Hebrews 3:15

A word from my hubby.

Alex just finished an article which I think is very fitting for right now as many in the church are seeking to walk more and more by the Spirit. Check it out...

I believe that we are in a season when the Lord is going to begin to release a fresh word about the cross. Although the cross has been preached for years in the western world, I believe that it is important that we do not only preach about the cross that He carried, but the cross that we are called to carry as well. If the message of the cross was only for the purpose of bringing sentimental feelings to sinners, then we would only need to watch the Passion of the Christ every Sunday.

It is possible for a man to weep and to speak eloquently concerning the cross, and still not be carrying one. Even many people in the world are moved to emotion when they speak concerning the cross of Christ. There are many who wear crosses around their necks, and have them tattooed on their bodies, yet they still continue to live lifestyles that are without restraint. We are in an era where the cross has become the most comfortable of all messages, when it is understood that because Christ paid it all, there is now no personal responsibility to come after Him and take up our own crosses as well.

However, the acceptance of the cross is not just meant to be a message that brings people to their knees to say a quick prayer of salvation and then to continue the way they were living before. When this is all that we are using the cross for, then all we have done is gathered a lot of people together and then denied them the power to be set free. Salvation is not the end of the matter, when people get “saved” this is only the first step towards sanctification. For Christ did not come just so that we could receive forgiveness of sins and then continue to live the same way we did before, but that we could experience the power over sin as well, to be set free.

How is this accomplished? First of all, we must understand what the cross is. When the Lord calls us to come after Him and to take up our cross, He is talking about giving up the expression of our souls. In Matt 16:24-25, the Lord says “take up your cross.... for whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it...” (Matt 16:25) The Greek word for life in this text is translated “soul life.” In this passage, Jesus is telling us that the way to take up our cross and to follow Him is to give up the expression of our souls.

The soul is usually categorized as the mind, will and emotions. It is the place where we express our unique individuality- our tastes, desires, and our expression to others. For this reason, it is not the soul that needs to be replaced, but the carnal use of it. For although the world would have us believe that the expression of our souls is beautiful, the scriptures are clear that all such expression is evil. As David said, “I have no good apart from You” (Psalm 16:2).

Whenever the soul is expressive of its self, it is biblically termed the flesh, in the negative sense. “I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh” (Romans 7:18 ESV). For this reason, it is our flesh that daily must be rendered inoperable upon the cross that the Holy Spirit prepares for us, so that only the life of Christ is manifested. (See 2 Cor 4:10, Matt 16:23-25)

For all that we can do apart from Christ is to emulate that which is holy and righteous, as the Pharisees did. Yet the Christian life is not one where we disfigure the outward man, appearing to be more Christ like, it is one where we get out of the way more, and allow Christ to be, and do, all that He requires of us. (See John 15:5)

ORIGINAL INTENT

From the beginning, the soul has been the source of everything that has caused us to stray from God.
Before the fall, when Adam and Eve were in the garden, their soul was in proper submission to the Spirit. However, Eve chose to forsake the role of the dependent creature, and to become like God, making her own decisions. She decided that she wanted to use the expression of her soul, instead of clinging to Christ. So she cast off restraint, choosing to “become her own person.”

When she did this, through eating of the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the immediate result of her independence was that her “eyes were opened” (Gen 3:7). Obviously this is referring to the eyes of her flesh, for the eyes of her spirit were open already. Now they had opened the door to the carnal nature, and they were beginning to judge according to what they saw in the natural, instead of judging as Christ does, “..not by the seeing of the eye, or the hearing of the ear.... but as I hear, I judge.” (See Isaiah 11:3, John 5:30) This was the beginning of sin for the human race. The root of every problem that we have is ultimately because we are operating in the soul realm, and not in the spirit. Now it is important for us to learn to discern the difference between the spirit, and the soul, that we might be able to come back into the fellowship of the Garden once again.

HOW CAN WE DISCERN THE SPIRIT?

Although learning to discern the Spirit is a lifelong pursuit, there is much that can be understand from the scriptures concerning His nature. There is a certain tone about Him that the flesh is unable to replicate. Galatians 5:19 tells us that the works of the flesh are obvious. The works of the flesh include things such as malice, bitterness, envy, hatred, immorality, and the like.
The flesh is marked by frustration- it is the way we feel when we are trying to figure everything out. When we feel as though the thing that we are doing has hit a “snag”, then we know that the Spirit is wanting us to do something different instead.

The flesh:



The Spirit:

_______________________________



The Spirit is represented by this solid line, for there is no wavering at all in His countenance. “The Kingdom of Heaven is peace, joy, and righteousness, in the Holy Spirit.” When Jesus walked the earth, He was able to sleep in the boat without feeling the least bit disturbed, and when the people were going to throw Him off the cliff, He was not afraid, He walked through the middle of the crowd.

It is well known that when a worker at the Treasury is learning to handle currency, it is because they have become so accustomed to handling the real money that they are able to discern the counterfeit bills. In like manner, the way that we get to know the Spirit is through being with Him. Then when the works of the flesh come along, we are better able to avoid them, because they have a certain “feel” about them that the works of the Spirit do not have. This is the way for us to grow in discernment, as Paul said in Hebrews 5:14, it is “by reason of use” that our senses are exercised to discern good from evil.
As we continue to look to the Spirit, moment by moment choosing Him, we will begin to grow in the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. “Let perfect peace rule in your hearts.” (Col 3:15) We will begin to know the peace of Christ as the umpire, or guardian, as to whether the life of Christ is flowing, or the nature of the carnal man.
 
May the Lord bless you,
 
Alex Haselden


My Anna :)

Baby Ryan

I got to take some pictures of my sweet little niece Ryan Nicole today...


Isn't she precious??? :):):)
I love her!

I have a testimony 'bout Jesus!

Anna & her piggys...

I have a testimony 'bout Jesus! He carries me through my worst storms...I always call on Jesus! I'm leanin' on His everlasting arms....

I have a testimony... Actually, I have about a thousand testimonies! :) Alex & I have a journal almost FULL of testimonies of God's faithfulness... We have watched Him provide over & over in the most amazing ways for our family. Sometimes it didn't look like the way we expected or wanted, but we can never ever, EVER doubt His faithfulness! :)

Alex has been working like crazy the past month, and we have been trying to save for a car (among many things) and pay off some debt at the same time... So we have had this certain amount of money just sitting here...and it's not enough to do anything with..lol. It's just enough to get started on one of these things. Well, the Lord came and literally multiplied the money..in a week, Alex got a couple of side jobs along with his regular job and we got our income tax refund...so today, we were able to pay off almost ALL of our debt--only one bill remains. We got a phone which we desperately needed (Anna has slobbered the other one to death) and at the end of the day we got a phone call that someone had a car for sale for almost the exact amount that we have left! Freedom feels so very close...:) So, yeah... it's been a great day! Jesus is awesome!!!!! Times like this teach me not to ever grumble or doubt Him, because in one day He can come and change every single circumstance! :)

So, yaaaay God! If you are believing for a miracle that seems impossible, don't give up! And don't lose heart! Some days it can feel like God is so far away, but Psalm 46:1 says, "God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble." He knows you & knows exactly what you are going through...

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" ---Isaiah 43

I can't wait to post the rest of the testimonies of the things we are believing for! I am so encouraged today that none of it is too big for God!! He is mighty to save!!! :):):)

<3 G----

Big Strange Family

I don't think of it as working for world peace, she said. I think of it as just trying to get along in a really big strange family.

-Story People

Yeshua!

I am so overwhelmed today by the goodness of God! He is so good...even in the midst of pain & chaos! He really loves me and He really loves you! Sometimes I just have to see those words on paper (in this case on screen). We forget so easily. Days...weeks..sometimes months go by and we don't realize how much He loves us. Oh, and He really DOES have a plan for my life! Phew! I don't have to fall back on my plan b, and plan c... He will finish what He has started in my life!

The Lord has been speaking to me lately about not trying to have everything perfect before coming to Him. (I would be trying for the rest of my life...) Some days I feel like I am working on a major presentation, trying to get this amazing proposal when He just wants me to come to Him like a child...and ask/say/pray whatever it is on my mind.

I was sort of a slacker in school..for years...until Junior year of high school and it was like, one day I woke up and realized that my grades would/could determine my future. So, I got REALLY organized and all of a sudden- over night became an excellent student. By senior year, everyone in a class with me called me a perfectionist... I really went above and beyond to make sure everything I did was exactly right. It wasn't until a year or so ago that I realized I have been doing that with the Lord-- trying to have everything perfect before I could approach Him, and in that I began to drift away from Him. It doesn't take a genius to realize I cannot become perfect...so I began to only go to Him with really simple things...nothing too deep because it would be too messy.

Have you ever tried to get all of your ducks in a row before making a big decision? Well, I try subconsciously to get all of my ducks in a row before making any decision! Which makes every step much harder than it has to be. The Lord has been trying to pull this out of my hands for a while now, and from time to time I have given it up...but today I had a moment of breakthrough. As I said in my last post, we are in the process of moving...and I want DESPERATELY to have everything in perfect order--apartment picked- money set aside for ______, _______ & ______! And the Lord has been telling me over and over it is not going to be what I think. So, today...I finally surrendered. ::sigh:: I gave it all to Him! Every detail, every worry, every fear! Once I said it... "I surrender..." I realized that my biggest fear was that if I took my hands off of it and gave it totally to Him, His plan would suck and I would be stuck in a bad situation. Excuse the language. So, it all comes down to trust.

And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

—Psalm 9:10

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be moved, but abides forever.
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the Lord surrounds his people,
from this time forth and forevermore.

—Psalm 125:1-2

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

—Proverbs 3:5-6

You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

—Isaiah 26:3-4

So...there it is. I have written it... it is permenant. I am FULLY surrendering all control...EVERYTHING! My life is in Your hands, Lord! You are my Shepherd! I will follow where You lead. I believe You DO have a plan for me...You will bring me through every dark valley. You are GOOD!

PS... I wish I had a picture of this, but I will just write it. While I was "surrendering" Alex walked in...and I was laying in the floor, Anna was crawling over me and there were about 30 of her toys spread out everywhere... He said, "Oh man! What happened here?" I said, "Surrender..." and he said, "Awe..well that's good!" haha... I love him!

2011!!!

I have gotten behind on my blogging... :)
So--a little update!

Anna is 9 months old right now! Since I last posted, she has learned to crawl, say Mama and is taking steps! She has two bottom teeth, so she is still eating baby food, but she drools as soon as she sees my plate! :) When those teeth come in this girl is going to eat! Among many other amazing talents... :) She spends her days exploring the great unknown that surrounds her. She loves to put everything into her mouth and swallow what she can. :) I am constantly on my feet, following her from one room to the next! At the end of the day I am wiped out, but it is my greatest joy to get up and do it again the next day! I could not have asked for a more precious baby girl! She is such a joy, always smiling, so patient and full of grace! Her name suits her well. :) (Anna means Grace & Favor.) I love her dearly.


We had a picnic the other day in the warm weather and she loooved being outside in the fresh air!! :) She also loves her new sunhat. :)


We have had LOTS of changes going on... we are in the process of moving, but we still aren't quite sure where we will land. We want to be totally open to wherever God wants to lead us, so we wait.....and wait... :) We are waiting for that final word, and for a few pieces of the puzzle to fall into place, but we are very encouraged right now about Gods plan for us! It is such an honor to be a part of what God is doing in the earth in this hour! Life with God is so good, we have come to a place of surrender... "Where You lead, I will follow." Simple as that.

On another note, I am excited to say that I have found a new hobby! I never would have imagined it..but I LOVE SEWING! Ha! I have been making stuffed birdies for a mobile that I am trying to make... I don't have a sewing machine yet, so it is taking me longer than I thought and I have been going very slow...but I WILL finish it! :) It is so fun..I turn on worship music and just zone out for about an hour making these little birds. I will post pictures as soon as I finish the mobile! :)

This was my first one! (They get better each time because I learn a new trick the more I do it...)

My second birdie...

and again...

This is Anna making a mess with the tissues while I was sewing.. :)


Notice how the next two look more full... I used a different kind of cotton to stuff them!

...


So, there it is... I am excited! I need to get myself motivated to finish the mobile because it will be so cute! :)
Just wanted to update this thing...hopefully it won't be 4 months until I post next so the next update won't be so scattered! :)

<3 G