Running the race...

"Take my life, Lord. Come & seal it....it's all I have to give!"

Life..........Oh, how I love it! I cherish my moments where I can sit and just "be" without doing anything! Most of those moments lately have been at night when I am about to fall asleep or when I accidentally wake up and can't fall back to sleep... A few nights ago I was laying in bed for literally hours and for the life of me, I could not fall asleep! After a while I gave up on trying to fall asleep and I just let my thoughts wander...

I realized that for my whole life I have been extremely unmotivated by nature. I have never stuck with a diet, and only by a miracle have I finished a fast or two. I often set goals, but never take even the first steps to go towards them. But there have been times in my life where I have locked my gaze in on something and given it 110%! I have been remembering a few different times in my life specifically where I was "good" at something. All of those times came from great motivation/encouragement from someone. When I ran track, I did it because the coach saw me coming down the hall at school one day and said "you will be amazing on our team! We want you!" and all through training I had many team mates telling me I would win! And I almost always did. I was confident and I was excellent at everything I did because I knew I had someone rooting for me to win & I wanted to meet that expectation. There are other examples...but this one will always stick out to me. It's a part of my nature...

The Lord has used my "track days" as an example many times to encourage me in one way or another. I know spiritually I thrive most when I have constant encouragement, which is true for most of us. It is very important for me to have someone telling me I will finish well. In some moments I have had a pastor or friend or...surprise, my husband- completely look past where I am and tell me where I will be. God knows me! He created me and knows my every thought and my every desire. He knows how I am wired, and He can speak one word of love and convict my heart. He has a special way of sending someone to love me by not focusing on my weakness today, but saying, "you will win! you will win!" This act of kindness and mercy is what pushes me to run harder after Jesus! He doesn't shake His finger at me and tell me everything I am doing wrong, He says, "Keep running! Don't take your eyes off of Me!"

How many of you have ever been jogging or running? You know that it is impossible to look at your belly button and not stumble or come off course. When you are running, espically at a high speed, you can easily look to the left or the right...but if you look that way for too long you will eventually start running in a different direction. You must look forward, constantly! I am finding it hard in this very moment to see myself as "winning" , and somedays I feel like I have no one cheering for me...but I know Jesus is standing at the finish line rooting for me at every moment! Even now, I can hear His words being sung by Misty Edwards, "just don't give up! Don't give in! If you don't quit, you win! You win!" Is it that simple? I have heard it preached many times that it is impossible to just stand still in your relationship with the Lord. If you aren't moving forward, you are ultimately moving backwards. I believe this is true. If Alex and I just continued to live together but never have conversation, or shared our hearts, we would eventually drift apart. We can't make it for the next 50-60 years with just our 2 1/2 years of history & relationship to sustain us. We must continue to run together, in the same direction.

This is my prayer,
Jesus, help me to keep my eyes on the prize! You are the goal! You are the prize! Help me to remember when I look to my left and my right and see people passing me, I run my own race before you...I do not compete against my brother or my sister. We all run to You, for You. Right now You have not called me to a public ministry, or to have a successful career. You have called me to be like Mary, to sit at Your feet and to learn from you. You have called me to be like Rachel, who weeps for the children. You have called me to be like Ruth, to follow where You lead. While I am a wife, while I am a mother...You have called me to run to You! Help me to be "all in", and not half hearted as I am often tempted to be. I will cling to You and You alone. Thank You for being my portion & my hope in this life. <3