Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Well, today this scripture means a great deal to me. The Lord speaks to me every year in the days leading up to my birthday about the next year of my life. There was something very significant about year 22 of my life. The Lord told me the last night that I was 21 that the next year would be filled with much tribulation. He told me year 22 would begin with sorrow and end with Praise. This was true in many ways...but what was so very kind about that day was that He also told me, "fear not, you will overcome and year 23 will be the year of Psalm 23." I have clung to this word from the Lord all year. It has kept me steady...or, sane atleast when times were tough. And now, I stand on the edge of year 23, not knowing what exactly He meant by that, but believing in His goodness and love towards me. I am embracing this word and eagerly expecting the provisions, peace, rest and confidence in His guidance that this scripture implies. I also understand that in order to "fear no evil", I must at some point "walk through the valley of the shadow of death". I don't know what that will look like, but I see the last verse of that psalm, and I am filled with so much joy and hope! David boldly proclaims, "And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever." I am so looking forward to this next year...and all that it brings.
I can look back on last year and see a few trials that I faced that I sort of wasted. Make sense? Instead of praising Him through the storm, I doubted at times. Instead of standing in faith, I got offended with Him for not coming quick enough. When faced with persecution, I ached and groveled much longer than I should have. I learned so much about the narrow way. My prayer for you and for myself this year is that when faced with any kind of trouble, that instead of looking the problem in the eye and trying to solve it- that we would look up into His eyes and let Him do what He will. If we can simply believe that He is good and that He really has our best interest in mind, maybe we can rest in knowing He has it under control. Sorry for the rambling. I tend to have a million words to say and only time to write 1000 of them down. He is just so good and I am so excited for this new year of my life!
I had a wonderful birthday! I feel like a kid that got everything they asked for, even though I didn't ask for anything. ;) I was so totally blessed! It's going to be a good year!!! Come what may, The Lord is my Shepherd!!! (that means I am safe as long as I follow where He leads!) :):):) good news!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Running the race...
"Take my life, Lord. Come & seal it....it's all I have to give!"
Life..........Oh, how I love it! I cherish my moments where I can sit and just "be" without doing anything! Most of those moments lately have been at night when I am about to fall asleep or when I accidentally wake up and can't fall back to sleep... A few nights ago I was laying in bed for literally hours and for the life of me, I could not fall asleep! After a while I gave up on trying to fall asleep and I just let my thoughts wander...
I realized that for my whole life I have been extremely unmotivated by nature. I have never stuck with a diet, and only by a miracle have I finished a fast or two. I often set goals, but never take even the first steps to go towards them. But there have been times in my life where I have locked my gaze in on something and given it 110%! I have been remembering a few different times in my life specifically where I was "good" at something. All of those times came from great motivation/encouragement from someone. When I ran track, I did it because the coach saw me coming down the hall at school one day and said "you will be amazing on our team! We want you!" and all through training I had many team mates telling me I would win! And I almost always did. I was confident and I was excellent at everything I did because I knew I had someone rooting for me to win & I wanted to meet that expectation. There are other examples...but this one will always stick out to me. It's a part of my nature...
The Lord has used my "track days" as an example many times to encourage me in one way or another. I know spiritually I thrive most when I have constant encouragement, which is true for most of us. It is very important for me to have someone telling me I will finish well. In some moments I have had a pastor or friend or...surprise, my husband- completely look past where I am and tell me where I will be. God knows me! He created me and knows my every thought and my every desire. He knows how I am wired, and He can speak one word of love and convict my heart. He has a special way of sending someone to love me by not focusing on my weakness today, but saying, "you will win! you will win!" This act of kindness and mercy is what pushes me to run harder after Jesus! He doesn't shake His finger at me and tell me everything I am doing wrong, He says, "Keep running! Don't take your eyes off of Me!"
How many of you have ever been jogging or running? You know that it is impossible to look at your belly button and not stumble or come off course. When you are running, espically at a high speed, you can easily look to the left or the right...but if you look that way for too long you will eventually start running in a different direction. You must look forward, constantly! I am finding it hard in this very moment to see myself as "winning" , and somedays I feel like I have no one cheering for me...but I know Jesus is standing at the finish line rooting for me at every moment! Even now, I can hear His words being sung by Misty Edwards, "just don't give up! Don't give in! If you don't quit, you win! You win!" Is it that simple? I have heard it preached many times that it is impossible to just stand still in your relationship with the Lord. If you aren't moving forward, you are ultimately moving backwards. I believe this is true. If Alex and I just continued to live together but never have conversation, or shared our hearts, we would eventually drift apart. We can't make it for the next 50-60 years with just our 2 1/2 years of history & relationship to sustain us. We must continue to run together, in the same direction.
This is my prayer,
Jesus, help me to keep my eyes on the prize! You are the goal! You are the prize! Help me to remember when I look to my left and my right and see people passing me, I run my own race before you...I do not compete against my brother or my sister. We all run to You, for You. Right now You have not called me to a public ministry, or to have a successful career. You have called me to be like Mary, to sit at Your feet and to learn from you. You have called me to be like Rachel, who weeps for the children. You have called me to be like Ruth, to follow where You lead. While I am a wife, while I am a mother...You have called me to run to You! Help me to be "all in", and not half hearted as I am often tempted to be. I will cling to You and You alone. Thank You for being my portion & my hope in this life. <3
Life..........Oh, how I love it! I cherish my moments where I can sit and just "be" without doing anything! Most of those moments lately have been at night when I am about to fall asleep or when I accidentally wake up and can't fall back to sleep... A few nights ago I was laying in bed for literally hours and for the life of me, I could not fall asleep! After a while I gave up on trying to fall asleep and I just let my thoughts wander...
I realized that for my whole life I have been extremely unmotivated by nature. I have never stuck with a diet, and only by a miracle have I finished a fast or two. I often set goals, but never take even the first steps to go towards them. But there have been times in my life where I have locked my gaze in on something and given it 110%! I have been remembering a few different times in my life specifically where I was "good" at something. All of those times came from great motivation/encouragement from someone. When I ran track, I did it because the coach saw me coming down the hall at school one day and said "you will be amazing on our team! We want you!" and all through training I had many team mates telling me I would win! And I almost always did. I was confident and I was excellent at everything I did because I knew I had someone rooting for me to win & I wanted to meet that expectation. There are other examples...but this one will always stick out to me. It's a part of my nature...
The Lord has used my "track days" as an example many times to encourage me in one way or another. I know spiritually I thrive most when I have constant encouragement, which is true for most of us. It is very important for me to have someone telling me I will finish well. In some moments I have had a pastor or friend or...surprise, my husband- completely look past where I am and tell me where I will be. God knows me! He created me and knows my every thought and my every desire. He knows how I am wired, and He can speak one word of love and convict my heart. He has a special way of sending someone to love me by not focusing on my weakness today, but saying, "you will win! you will win!" This act of kindness and mercy is what pushes me to run harder after Jesus! He doesn't shake His finger at me and tell me everything I am doing wrong, He says, "Keep running! Don't take your eyes off of Me!"
How many of you have ever been jogging or running? You know that it is impossible to look at your belly button and not stumble or come off course. When you are running, espically at a high speed, you can easily look to the left or the right...but if you look that way for too long you will eventually start running in a different direction. You must look forward, constantly! I am finding it hard in this very moment to see myself as "winning" , and somedays I feel like I have no one cheering for me...but I know Jesus is standing at the finish line rooting for me at every moment! Even now, I can hear His words being sung by Misty Edwards, "just don't give up! Don't give in! If you don't quit, you win! You win!" Is it that simple? I have heard it preached many times that it is impossible to just stand still in your relationship with the Lord. If you aren't moving forward, you are ultimately moving backwards. I believe this is true. If Alex and I just continued to live together but never have conversation, or shared our hearts, we would eventually drift apart. We can't make it for the next 50-60 years with just our 2 1/2 years of history & relationship to sustain us. We must continue to run together, in the same direction.
This is my prayer,
Jesus, help me to keep my eyes on the prize! You are the goal! You are the prize! Help me to remember when I look to my left and my right and see people passing me, I run my own race before you...I do not compete against my brother or my sister. We all run to You, for You. Right now You have not called me to a public ministry, or to have a successful career. You have called me to be like Mary, to sit at Your feet and to learn from you. You have called me to be like Rachel, who weeps for the children. You have called me to be like Ruth, to follow where You lead. While I am a wife, while I am a mother...You have called me to run to You! Help me to be "all in", and not half hearted as I am often tempted to be. I will cling to You and You alone. Thank You for being my portion & my hope in this life. <3
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Back again with much to say...
I am back! After several months of not updating, I am returning once again. So much has happened since I have posted last, and I am not sure where to start.
*For starters, we have moved to another city...not far from "home", but far enough that it has brought a good bit of distance between our family and the ones we love. This has been both good/exciting, and hard. We used to be just a short drive to my parents house and to just about everyone I know. Now it is about 40 minutes... not terribly far, but it makes getting together with people a couple of times a week a little more difficult. While it has sort of been a lonely season, it has been so good for my relationship with the Lord. I never realized how much those lunch dates and coffee dates kept me from "needing" time with God. We can become so full of good things that we don't have room in our day and our hearts for the BEST thing..which is communion with Christ. So, I call this my season of "time out". While I love and miss seeing all of my people so often, I am so enjoying this season of getting to know my Papa God again.
*Anna is 1 year and 2 months old! She is sleeping 12-13 hours a night (PTL) and feeding herself. Her level of communication is amazing me! She says "yummy yummy yummy" when she is hungry. She is clapping, dancing, singing and laughing. She is RUNNING instead of walking, and pointing at everything she wants. I am amazed by her daily. She is so loving and kind, she has more patience than I do and she loves hugs and kisses. Puppies and kittens make her squeal for joy and she loves laying in the grass anytime we go outside. She is beautiful. Her height and weight are in the 95 percentile and she is wearing 12-18 month clothes! So she will be tall like Mama. :)
*We are still doing much "soul searching" about where we are going to be next. We are not digging our roots down deep here, although it is a lovely town we feel like it is only temporary. We will be happy and willing to go anywhere the Lord leads us.
The Lord has used this season in so many ways to help me let go and trust God even more with our lives. I am finding myself more and more frustrated when I take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on the things and people around me. It is so easy to forget what God has called you to and start wanting the American Dream sometimes. I think this is espically hard for mothers, because we are always feeling the weight of another life besides our own. Wouldn't it make things so much easier if we just had _______________ and if _______________ would hurry up and happen?? And the truth is, things would be easier, but it wouldn't be satisfying. Our hearts can only be satisfied when we are walking in the will of the Lord for our lives. Not our neighbors life, not our parents life, and not our BFF's life. So, God has been teaching me that if I will do what He has called me to- without the fear of what he or she will think...then and only then will I be content and filled with peace.
This is true for you too. How many dreams do you have locked away in your heart that have stayed in hiding because someone told you you couldn't do that? Remember that you will stand before God and He will ask you why you didn't do this thing or that thing...and, "my parents told me not to" is not an acceptable response. We all have one life here on earth. We have one chance to love Jesus when it's not always easy. Some get 20 years, some get 100. God is looking for a heart that is unashamed of Him and unafraid of man. A heart that will say, "Yes, Lord!" in the face of persecution. As John Wesley put it,
“Give me one hundred men who love only God with all their heart and hate only sin with all their heart, and we will shake the gates of hell and bring in the kingdom of God in one generation.”
I do not want the American dream, as tempting as it may be some days, but this is my dream: I want to see blind eyes open, I want to see the lame man RUN, I want to see the orphan find a loving home, I want to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I want to see revival come to America and the Nations of the earth. I want to see toddlers preach the gospel and choose worship over barbies and hotwheels. I want to see a generation fall in love with Jesus, not just one moment in a meeting, but all day everyday. I want to see food multiplied to feed the hungry. I want to see BORING, STALE, Church meetings come alive with the presence of God. I want to proove that it IS possible for a Mommy to be radical in this day and hour. My destiny will not be put on hold until Anna graduates high school...My destiny is today and everyday and I want her to be able to remember me not as the mommy who always had fresh baked cookies when she got home from school (which I probably will) but as a woman of prayer who loved Jesus and loved others well. I want to stand for truth and holiness even when people think it's foolish.---This is my dream.
*For starters, we have moved to another city...not far from "home", but far enough that it has brought a good bit of distance between our family and the ones we love. This has been both good/exciting, and hard. We used to be just a short drive to my parents house and to just about everyone I know. Now it is about 40 minutes... not terribly far, but it makes getting together with people a couple of times a week a little more difficult. While it has sort of been a lonely season, it has been so good for my relationship with the Lord. I never realized how much those lunch dates and coffee dates kept me from "needing" time with God. We can become so full of good things that we don't have room in our day and our hearts for the BEST thing..which is communion with Christ. So, I call this my season of "time out". While I love and miss seeing all of my people so often, I am so enjoying this season of getting to know my Papa God again.
*Anna is 1 year and 2 months old! She is sleeping 12-13 hours a night (PTL) and feeding herself. Her level of communication is amazing me! She says "yummy yummy yummy" when she is hungry. She is clapping, dancing, singing and laughing. She is RUNNING instead of walking, and pointing at everything she wants. I am amazed by her daily. She is so loving and kind, she has more patience than I do and she loves hugs and kisses. Puppies and kittens make her squeal for joy and she loves laying in the grass anytime we go outside. She is beautiful. Her height and weight are in the 95 percentile and she is wearing 12-18 month clothes! So she will be tall like Mama. :)
*We are still doing much "soul searching" about where we are going to be next. We are not digging our roots down deep here, although it is a lovely town we feel like it is only temporary. We will be happy and willing to go anywhere the Lord leads us.
The Lord has used this season in so many ways to help me let go and trust God even more with our lives. I am finding myself more and more frustrated when I take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on the things and people around me. It is so easy to forget what God has called you to and start wanting the American Dream sometimes. I think this is espically hard for mothers, because we are always feeling the weight of another life besides our own. Wouldn't it make things so much easier if we just had _______________ and if _______________ would hurry up and happen?? And the truth is, things would be easier, but it wouldn't be satisfying. Our hearts can only be satisfied when we are walking in the will of the Lord for our lives. Not our neighbors life, not our parents life, and not our BFF's life. So, God has been teaching me that if I will do what He has called me to- without the fear of what he or she will think...then and only then will I be content and filled with peace.
This is true for you too. How many dreams do you have locked away in your heart that have stayed in hiding because someone told you you couldn't do that? Remember that you will stand before God and He will ask you why you didn't do this thing or that thing...and, "my parents told me not to" is not an acceptable response. We all have one life here on earth. We have one chance to love Jesus when it's not always easy. Some get 20 years, some get 100. God is looking for a heart that is unashamed of Him and unafraid of man. A heart that will say, "Yes, Lord!" in the face of persecution. As John Wesley put it,
“Give me one hundred men who love only God with all their heart and hate only sin with all their heart, and we will shake the gates of hell and bring in the kingdom of God in one generation.”
I do not want the American dream, as tempting as it may be some days, but this is my dream: I want to see blind eyes open, I want to see the lame man RUN, I want to see the orphan find a loving home, I want to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I want to see revival come to America and the Nations of the earth. I want to see toddlers preach the gospel and choose worship over barbies and hotwheels. I want to see a generation fall in love with Jesus, not just one moment in a meeting, but all day everyday. I want to see food multiplied to feed the hungry. I want to see BORING, STALE, Church meetings come alive with the presence of God. I want to proove that it IS possible for a Mommy to be radical in this day and hour. My destiny will not be put on hold until Anna graduates high school...My destiny is today and everyday and I want her to be able to remember me not as the mommy who always had fresh baked cookies when she got home from school (which I probably will) but as a woman of prayer who loved Jesus and loved others well. I want to stand for truth and holiness even when people think it's foolish.---This is my dream.
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