Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Introducing...
A beautiful 9 months...
We found out we were expecting our second little blessing the day before Thanksgiving...fitting right?! We decided to keep it a secret until we went to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy. Secrets concerning exciting news about myself usually last about an hour. I can't save Christmas presents until Christmas morning and if I purchase a birthday present before your birthday, you will know about it. I just can't help it. My sister came by on Thanksgiving morning and before the door was even fully opened I blurted out, "I'm pregnant!!" I felt better after I told her and continued the secret for about another week before I told a few of my best friends. We then waited until the doctor appointment to "announce" to the rest of the world.
My excitement lasted the entire pregnancy. I felt some of the usual discomforts of pregnancy (tight pants & round ligament pain) but other than that, I felt amazing! I love being pregnant! There is something so incredible about knowing a PERSON is growing inside of me. A tiny little person, created by God to be something great! (my definition of greatness is not the worlds) Knowing that a beautiful boy or girl created in the image of God is inside of me just makes me feel full of life...literally. :) So, I embraced every bit of it! I am happy to say that I didn't gain the 48lbs I gained with Anna...I only gained 24lbs! It's actually not because of anything I did either. I still indulged in my favorite sweets and I am not proud to say that I "exercised" enough times to count on one hand. (I am not endorsing that..just being honest) I did drink half of my weight in water each day though! Anywho...
We found out the baby's gender at 16 weeks at an early ultrasound. We found out we were having a little boy!!! :) We could not have been happier! After many, many months we decided to name our little mister, Micaiah Elan.
Micaiah is a hebrew name and it means: Who can compare to God?
Elan is also a hebrew name and it means: Strong Tree, like the Oak.
The first name is obvious. But the second name is very special to me... we almost decided to call him by Elan, but Micaiah seems to fit him better. I have a thing for trees. I can't even count how many times I have been inspired by their strength and beauty. The Oak tree specifically is amazingly strong, with roots that go as far down deep as the tree stands tall, incredible! And I LOVE the fact that every leaf on EVERY tree ever grown is different. There are no two "designs" alike. Who can doubt there is a God? A very artistic God at that! His creativity is so endless that He could come up with countless leaves all shaped differently, with different DNA. So, that in a nutshell is why I love Elan so much. It reminds me of God and His amazing creativity and how He designed US ALL to be so unique and different.
One of my best and most creative friends did some maternity pictures of me and my sweet boy. Check her out! :) Thanks Tayla!
2011-2012
Welcome Friends!
I have been absent from my blog for just about 10 months! Whoops... Lots has been happening! Like, becoming a doula, raising a toddler, making and birthing a baby, to name a few! It has been a wonderful (almost) year.
Life has been busy, but so lovely. I look forward to all that 2013 brings! When I have lots of spare time (HA) I will be writing an individual post about my birth...and a post about my first doula birth! :) So much excitement! I got to work with an AMAZING mom & dad team to welcome their first VBAC baby boy! :) It was beautiful and I learned so much!
For the next few weeks I am very much focusing on being a mom to my two sweet babies. I will soon be joinging the birth world as a doula...I am taking clients for 2013 and beyond! So excited! :)
Anna "flying" with Papa! :)
Anna "flying" with Papa! :)
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A Thankful Heart...
O give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known His doings among the peoples!
1 Chronicles 16: 8
I am going to join many of my blogging friends and list things I am thankful for! I can't seem to find 1 sentence to summarize things, so a paragraph will have to do. :)
There is so much to be thankful for, but I will start here!
I am thankful for....
1] Alex. I am so thankful for my husband and best friend... I have never laughed or cried so much with another person. We are learning how to "do life" together, and some days are easier than the next, but every day is a gift. I have never met a person like him, and I knew he was different from the very beginning. I learn something new about him every day. He encourages me, inspires me, provokes me & is always calling me into my destiny. He has taught me that no circumstance can keep me from my calling & every day is a chance to start over. When I am having a bad day he reminds me that every time I choose not to quit, I am succeeding. He makes me laugh when I want to cry, and wipes my tears when it's too late. I love him deeply & can't wait to see what the future will bring.
"Da-Da"
My sweeties.
Love of my life.
We need some updated pics!
2] Anna Jael. Where do I even begin? My heart overflows with love for this girl... She is the greatest gift I could ever hold. Her smile lights up the world! She has taught me so much in her 18 months of life... I can remember so clearly her first few hours of life... She was wrapped up in white, smokey eyes wide open, staring straight into my heart. I had no idea who I was looking at that day. I didn't know the depth at which I would learn to love. I am so thankful for this precious child. I love her each day more and more.
My Anna
I could post 100 pics, but I won't. :)
5 days old..my treasure.
3] Family. I am so thankful for my parents & sisters! I am humbled when I think back on my childhood/teenage years....My parents still love me??? And my poor sisters.. I was such a mess!!! Yet, through all of the years, good choices..bad choices..tantrums , fights & many tears, they all still speak to me. And thank God, now I am a new creation! :) Every family has its flaws, because none of us are perfect, but I am so BLESSED to be able to say that there has never been a time when I cried out for "HELP" that one of these 4 people haven't been there. I love my family & I am so thankful for the GOOD memories that do exist & the bad ones that made us stronger. :)
Daddy-O
The Bates Girls
Our babies!
Us as babies..
4] True Friends. Friends that don't disappear when times get tough. Friends that don't gossip. Friends you can call at a moments notice & they will come help you pack & move. Just. Like. That. Friends you can laugh with, cry with and eat what you REALLY want with. ;) Friends who are TRULY happy for you when you succeed and that grieve with you when you "fail". Friends that don't count the miles. Friends that don't tell you the jeans are too tight, but just buy you a new pair that fit! ha! Friends that love & care and (sorry for rhyming) are always there! Irreplaceable, devoted, come-what-may-friends.
"Back in the day"
A little more current..
Brenny.
Roomies in heaven.
We need to update this Tashie!
5] My Ethiopia Family. We are going on 4 years since we met in July of 2008. 20 something people from all across the country met up in Dallas, Tx. and traveled together to Africa for 2 short weeks... We all fell in love with the beautiful people of Ethiopia & with each other! God has since been knitting our hearts together, even with the miles between us... it seems like we grow closer every month. We try to meet up AT LEAST twice a year..and each time I leave loving them more than before. They are beautiful people, all so different and it's just amazing. I consider them family. I am thankful.
In Ethiopia..2008
Atlanta..2009
Atlanta... 2010
Nashville... 2011
Colorado... 2011
I AM THANKFUL!!!!
Monday, October 24, 2011
A new adventure!
So much has happened this month! I feel like I am in a whirl wind...but a good one! (Nahum 1:3) =) Let me update real quick!
* Anna is 17 months old!!! She is growing so quickly and beautifully! She is in the 90% as always and her doctors say she is brilliant. =) She has a love for animals that is growing by the minute! Anything that walks on 4 legs is called a "Nonnie". She is a delight! I am so grateful for such a sweet & loving baby. When Alex leaves for work she insists on a dozen kisses and she sings "da-da, da-da" when she is going to sleep. It is so precious...
* Fall is here & winter is coming, so I am about to be baking up a storm! I looove this time of year! Pumpkin everything & lots of homemade soup! :) I also can't wait for the family gatherings... it gets busy, but I love having everyone together. We will be missing my Sister & her family a lot this year, but I know they will be loving their first white Christmas in Colorado!
* Last but not least, I am about to start school to become a Doula! (screams) If you know me well, or at all...you know this must be God! I have had a fear of childbirth my whole life. It wasn't until I got pregnant with Anna that I was forced to overcome that fear. Through much prayer & hours and hours spent reading scriptures in the bible about childbirth and what it was intended to be, I was able to overcome that fear. My delivery was seriously a JOYOUS occasion! I did not dread it, panic or worry...I embraced it & welcomed Anna with peace & calm. I would do it again 100 times the same way! I give God all of the glory for that, because I know in my own strength it isn't possible.
Point being...
I know there are women EVERYWHERE who are battling fear & torment about childbirth. Children are the greatest blessing, apart from salvation that we can recieve from God... I am so excited that I get to be a part of helping women overcome their fears of childbirth & welcome their blessing into the world! Doula means: a women who serves. I will be serving women & their families during pregnancy & delivery and sometimes after delivery as well. I have only just begun this process so I don't even know the extent of what I will be doing, but I am SO excited & honored to be a part of it!
One of the very best parts about this is, it won't change very much about our lifestyle. I still get to be home with Anna every day and I can pick how many clients I take on. This is such a perk for me because I love being at home with her. I start class in 11 days & I'm guessing I will mention that in my next post! :)
Hope everyone is BLESSED!!!
The LORD is slow to anger but great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet.. Nahum 1:3... <--
* Anna is 17 months old!!! She is growing so quickly and beautifully! She is in the 90% as always and her doctors say she is brilliant. =) She has a love for animals that is growing by the minute! Anything that walks on 4 legs is called a "Nonnie". She is a delight! I am so grateful for such a sweet & loving baby. When Alex leaves for work she insists on a dozen kisses and she sings "da-da, da-da" when she is going to sleep. It is so precious...
* Fall is here & winter is coming, so I am about to be baking up a storm! I looove this time of year! Pumpkin everything & lots of homemade soup! :) I also can't wait for the family gatherings... it gets busy, but I love having everyone together. We will be missing my Sister & her family a lot this year, but I know they will be loving their first white Christmas in Colorado!
* Last but not least, I am about to start school to become a Doula! (screams) If you know me well, or at all...you know this must be God! I have had a fear of childbirth my whole life. It wasn't until I got pregnant with Anna that I was forced to overcome that fear. Through much prayer & hours and hours spent reading scriptures in the bible about childbirth and what it was intended to be, I was able to overcome that fear. My delivery was seriously a JOYOUS occasion! I did not dread it, panic or worry...I embraced it & welcomed Anna with peace & calm. I would do it again 100 times the same way! I give God all of the glory for that, because I know in my own strength it isn't possible.
Point being...
I know there are women EVERYWHERE who are battling fear & torment about childbirth. Children are the greatest blessing, apart from salvation that we can recieve from God... I am so excited that I get to be a part of helping women overcome their fears of childbirth & welcome their blessing into the world! Doula means: a women who serves. I will be serving women & their families during pregnancy & delivery and sometimes after delivery as well. I have only just begun this process so I don't even know the extent of what I will be doing, but I am SO excited & honored to be a part of it!
One of the very best parts about this is, it won't change very much about our lifestyle. I still get to be home with Anna every day and I can pick how many clients I take on. This is such a perk for me because I love being at home with her. I start class in 11 days & I'm guessing I will mention that in my next post! :)
Hope everyone is BLESSED!!!
The LORD is slow to anger but great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet.. Nahum 1:3... <--
Saturday, September 17, 2011
It's all about how you handle it...
Fall is HERE!!! I am so happy about this! September in Georgia is my favorite time of year, it is SO beautiful! The leaves are changing, the wind is blowing and the countdown to the winter holidays is about to begin! (yes, I start counting down in October!) I am loving this season!!!
There have been lots of changes going on with us, yet again. It seems life is always changing faster than I am ready for it to...but I know that is God's way. He gave us 4 seasons...and it's almost as if just when you get used to one, it changes. Maybe it's a way to keep us from getting too comforatable and unwilling to move/grow/change when He wants us to? My life, atleast is always changing...and I hold my breath, because I never know what the next season will bring.
This month for me has been sort of a roller coaster. I have had more ups and downs, back to back. The reality that Anna is growing from a baby to a toddler before my very eyes just about brings me to tears! I have had 2 amazing job offers just this week! And part of me thinks it would be awesome to "get back into the world", (out of the house). And another part of me cringes at the thought of leaving Anna to grow up without me! (Dramatic, I know, but that's how it would feel!) This decision has been much more emotional than I had planned. I turned down both jobs. I look at my mom, and even Alex's mom and I see where they are in their lives... They are both doing things they love doing, and from my perspective they are only at the beginning of another really long season of life. I want to soak up these next several years with Anna... I am really loving every second of motherhood and even the highest paying job couldn't make up for what I would miss with her. I know there will be a season later in life where she grows up and moves into her next role in life, and I will be fine with that. And I will be more than happy to step into my next role in life as well.
There have been several other things that have come up this month that have triggered my emotions, all of them were at the time a huge deal to me, but now seem so silly I can't even admit to them. :) But I will tell you how I came to this conclusion...
I am working 2 mornings a week with a dear friend. I was nannying for her earlier this summer, and now I am helping her with her new business. It is perfect for me because it is only a few hours & a couple of days, and she is fabulous and I love spending time with her. We were talking yesterday, and it was almost like she could read my mind. She knew exactly what I was "stressing" over. So she told me a few stories from her life and the bottom line was... It's all about how you handle it. When troubles come, or worries or problems... Look to Jesus. Don't freak out and make something little, HUGE. Just look to Jesus and let Him solve the problem for you, or lead you through to the right decision. I am a firm believer in that the Lord allows us to go through certain situations to not only build character in us, but also to teach us something about His character. He is Faithful and He doesn't freak out over our problems. I had a picture come to my mind several years ago that has helped me many times put things in perspective. I saw myself standing at the foot of this mountain, and I was staring up at it, and it was never ending! It seemed impossible that I could ever reach the top of it, much less the other side. Then I saw the mountain from the sky above it (God's perspective) and I could see the foot of the mountain, the top of the mountain and the other side of the mountain. So, God was showing me that He is not freaked out by this "trouble" I am faced with, He sees the other side... Although we can't see tomorrow, He can, and most of the time we are worried about something that was already going to be okay. (Our worrying doesn't help the situation. Matthew 6:34)
So my friend and boss, spoke to my heart when she shared her stories with me. She reminded me of things that I already know in my heart... That God is God. :) Sometimes I forget and I think I am here on this earth just to figure it all out on my own, but He is here with me every step of the way. And He already has a plan, so I don't have to think up my own, I just have to listen for His voice to tell me what to do. Doesn't that sound so much better??
God was reminding me that He sees my heart at all times, and although He understands my weak human frame, He is looking for a heart that is steadfast and unshaken. He is looking for faith and trust in my heart. I am praying that He will help me to handle troubles with grace. That the next time I am standing up against a giant mountain, that I would not look up at it, but look up to Him and find the peace that is in His eyes and just rest in that place. He is a great God!
I am meditating on these words of life today:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side.” Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. And other little boats were also with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”
Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!” Mark 4:35-41
There have been lots of changes going on with us, yet again. It seems life is always changing faster than I am ready for it to...but I know that is God's way. He gave us 4 seasons...and it's almost as if just when you get used to one, it changes. Maybe it's a way to keep us from getting too comforatable and unwilling to move/grow/change when He wants us to? My life, atleast is always changing...and I hold my breath, because I never know what the next season will bring.
This month for me has been sort of a roller coaster. I have had more ups and downs, back to back. The reality that Anna is growing from a baby to a toddler before my very eyes just about brings me to tears! I have had 2 amazing job offers just this week! And part of me thinks it would be awesome to "get back into the world", (out of the house). And another part of me cringes at the thought of leaving Anna to grow up without me! (Dramatic, I know, but that's how it would feel!) This decision has been much more emotional than I had planned. I turned down both jobs. I look at my mom, and even Alex's mom and I see where they are in their lives... They are both doing things they love doing, and from my perspective they are only at the beginning of another really long season of life. I want to soak up these next several years with Anna... I am really loving every second of motherhood and even the highest paying job couldn't make up for what I would miss with her. I know there will be a season later in life where she grows up and moves into her next role in life, and I will be fine with that. And I will be more than happy to step into my next role in life as well.
There have been several other things that have come up this month that have triggered my emotions, all of them were at the time a huge deal to me, but now seem so silly I can't even admit to them. :) But I will tell you how I came to this conclusion...
I am working 2 mornings a week with a dear friend. I was nannying for her earlier this summer, and now I am helping her with her new business. It is perfect for me because it is only a few hours & a couple of days, and she is fabulous and I love spending time with her. We were talking yesterday, and it was almost like she could read my mind. She knew exactly what I was "stressing" over. So she told me a few stories from her life and the bottom line was... It's all about how you handle it. When troubles come, or worries or problems... Look to Jesus. Don't freak out and make something little, HUGE. Just look to Jesus and let Him solve the problem for you, or lead you through to the right decision. I am a firm believer in that the Lord allows us to go through certain situations to not only build character in us, but also to teach us something about His character. He is Faithful and He doesn't freak out over our problems. I had a picture come to my mind several years ago that has helped me many times put things in perspective. I saw myself standing at the foot of this mountain, and I was staring up at it, and it was never ending! It seemed impossible that I could ever reach the top of it, much less the other side. Then I saw the mountain from the sky above it (God's perspective) and I could see the foot of the mountain, the top of the mountain and the other side of the mountain. So, God was showing me that He is not freaked out by this "trouble" I am faced with, He sees the other side... Although we can't see tomorrow, He can, and most of the time we are worried about something that was already going to be okay. (Our worrying doesn't help the situation. Matthew 6:34)
So my friend and boss, spoke to my heart when she shared her stories with me. She reminded me of things that I already know in my heart... That God is God. :) Sometimes I forget and I think I am here on this earth just to figure it all out on my own, but He is here with me every step of the way. And He already has a plan, so I don't have to think up my own, I just have to listen for His voice to tell me what to do. Doesn't that sound so much better??
God was reminding me that He sees my heart at all times, and although He understands my weak human frame, He is looking for a heart that is steadfast and unshaken. He is looking for faith and trust in my heart. I am praying that He will help me to handle troubles with grace. That the next time I am standing up against a giant mountain, that I would not look up at it, but look up to Him and find the peace that is in His eyes and just rest in that place. He is a great God!
I am meditating on these words of life today:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side.” Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. And other little boats were also with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”
Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!” Mark 4:35-41
Saturday, August 27, 2011
He loves me, He loves me not, HE LOVES ME!!!
"Life is not right until You split the sky. The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come!" We long for the day when You make all things new...We want to be with You!" -Merchant Band
Jesus loves me. Really, really, He loves me!! I went to a prayer meeting a week or so ago and Alex watched Anna so I could focus. I feel like for the last 15 months, everytime I am in church I am only about 5% present..and 95% focused on that sweet bundle of love. :) Well on this night I was DESPERATE for God to show up and touch my heart. It is easy to go through the motions and read the bible and pray...but when I don't occasionally FEEL that sweet presence of God, like a giant hug from my Daddy, it can get difficult sometimes to keep pressing in.
Well, on this night He came and squished me with His love. :) He showed up and simply said, "I love you." It was very discrete...I didn't hear the audible voice of the Lord, but I felt Him say, I love you, to my heart. Those 3 words are used a lot in our house. We say, "I love you", probably a thousand times a day. ;) So, sometimes it loses its effect. It's easy to forget what it actually means. I just layed on the floor for a few minutes after the Lord spoke that to my heart... I felt like I was hearing Him speak for the first time. So I wanted to get everything out of it! When I layed down, the story of the prodigal son came into my head. I began to go over the story from what I could remember without stopping to look it up.
I began to play the story out in my head like I was watching a movie. And I began to cry like a baby. I will tell you what I was seeing in my head.
A young man approaches his father and asks him for all of his inheritance. He wants to go and "live his life", he is tired of working and he just wants to have fun. His father, reluctantly agrees. He loves his son so much, but he wants his son to choose to love him back, not just be forced to stay. So he gives him everything. The boy leaves and parties away all that he had. Every dime. Wasted on booze and women and who knows what else. Before too long he is hungry, on the streets and feeling emptier than ever. He thought all of that would make him happy...but now he feels more frustrated than before. He begins to dream of the warmth of his fathers house. There was always food, clothing, but more than that there was always love. His father required him to tend to the fields and be responsible, but he truly loved him. He decided to go back... He got up from the dirty street corner and began the long journey home. He must have practiced what he would say 1,000 times. He would ask his father to let him be a servant in the home because he knew he would be furious with him when he came back with nothing left. He would throw himself at his fathers feet and beg for mercy!
As he draws near to his fathers house he is filled with anxiety, fear and worst of all, shame. He gets a little ways off and sees a figure moving back and forth on the porch. He gets closer...and closer and he stops. His father is pacing on the porch. He looks out and sees him, and he stops, throws his hands in the air and shouts something...and begins to run. His father runs to him (which in that day was totally inappropriate), as he stands there totally perplexed. He gets closer and his arms open wide and he throws his arms around his sons neck and kisses him. His father is weeping and smiling and laughing all at the same time. Before the son can even gather his words, the Father calls everyone out! He says, "My son has come home!! Lets throw a party! Bring the best robe, new shoes and the family ring! He is home!"
And thus is the kingdom of heaven.
I am literally laying on the floor crying in the middle of a prayer meeting, I don't even care that there are 30-40 people who I barely know all around me.
God was showing me, again WHY I fell in love with Him in the first place. Because He loved me when I was unlovely. He chose me when I was making horrible decisions and wasting my life away. He picked me up out of the dirt and cleaned me off and told me I am the one He wants. I have been so caught up in "the christian life", going about my own "already saved" business that I have forgotten my first love. I have forgotten the Man behind the cross. It has become so farmiliar to me that I have forgotten altogether why I am a christian in the first place. Anybody else??
It's His kindness that leads us to repentance. His mercy that draws us in. Yes, there is a place for judgement and God does not pat our sin on the back and say, "Dark but lovely", however... if we turn to Him and are sincere in our brokenness and struggles..He DELIGHTS in setting us free!! He LOVES us!!
And the Pharisees and scribes complained, saying, “This Man receives sinners and eats with them.” 3 So He spoke this parable to them, saying:
4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ 7 I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.
Seriously?! There is more joy over the lost one who comes home than for the righteous man who is already saved. My prayer today is that I would LIVE everyday knowing and remembering the joy of my salvation. I was lost, dirty and without a place to call home...and He saved me. He humbled Himself and ran out to meet me while I was a long way off. He didn't treat me like a step-child once I came into the family, He treated me as if I was the ONLY one. This is the beauty of the kingdom. This is the beauty of this man Jesus.
“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’” Luke 15: 31-32
Jesus loves me. Really, really, He loves me!! I went to a prayer meeting a week or so ago and Alex watched Anna so I could focus. I feel like for the last 15 months, everytime I am in church I am only about 5% present..and 95% focused on that sweet bundle of love. :) Well on this night I was DESPERATE for God to show up and touch my heart. It is easy to go through the motions and read the bible and pray...but when I don't occasionally FEEL that sweet presence of God, like a giant hug from my Daddy, it can get difficult sometimes to keep pressing in.
Well, on this night He came and squished me with His love. :) He showed up and simply said, "I love you." It was very discrete...I didn't hear the audible voice of the Lord, but I felt Him say, I love you, to my heart. Those 3 words are used a lot in our house. We say, "I love you", probably a thousand times a day. ;) So, sometimes it loses its effect. It's easy to forget what it actually means. I just layed on the floor for a few minutes after the Lord spoke that to my heart... I felt like I was hearing Him speak for the first time. So I wanted to get everything out of it! When I layed down, the story of the prodigal son came into my head. I began to go over the story from what I could remember without stopping to look it up.
I began to play the story out in my head like I was watching a movie. And I began to cry like a baby. I will tell you what I was seeing in my head.
A young man approaches his father and asks him for all of his inheritance. He wants to go and "live his life", he is tired of working and he just wants to have fun. His father, reluctantly agrees. He loves his son so much, but he wants his son to choose to love him back, not just be forced to stay. So he gives him everything. The boy leaves and parties away all that he had. Every dime. Wasted on booze and women and who knows what else. Before too long he is hungry, on the streets and feeling emptier than ever. He thought all of that would make him happy...but now he feels more frustrated than before. He begins to dream of the warmth of his fathers house. There was always food, clothing, but more than that there was always love. His father required him to tend to the fields and be responsible, but he truly loved him. He decided to go back... He got up from the dirty street corner and began the long journey home. He must have practiced what he would say 1,000 times. He would ask his father to let him be a servant in the home because he knew he would be furious with him when he came back with nothing left. He would throw himself at his fathers feet and beg for mercy!
As he draws near to his fathers house he is filled with anxiety, fear and worst of all, shame. He gets a little ways off and sees a figure moving back and forth on the porch. He gets closer...and closer and he stops. His father is pacing on the porch. He looks out and sees him, and he stops, throws his hands in the air and shouts something...and begins to run. His father runs to him (which in that day was totally inappropriate), as he stands there totally perplexed. He gets closer and his arms open wide and he throws his arms around his sons neck and kisses him. His father is weeping and smiling and laughing all at the same time. Before the son can even gather his words, the Father calls everyone out! He says, "My son has come home!! Lets throw a party! Bring the best robe, new shoes and the family ring! He is home!"
And thus is the kingdom of heaven.
I am literally laying on the floor crying in the middle of a prayer meeting, I don't even care that there are 30-40 people who I barely know all around me.
God was showing me, again WHY I fell in love with Him in the first place. Because He loved me when I was unlovely. He chose me when I was making horrible decisions and wasting my life away. He picked me up out of the dirt and cleaned me off and told me I am the one He wants. I have been so caught up in "the christian life", going about my own "already saved" business that I have forgotten my first love. I have forgotten the Man behind the cross. It has become so farmiliar to me that I have forgotten altogether why I am a christian in the first place. Anybody else??
It's His kindness that leads us to repentance. His mercy that draws us in. Yes, there is a place for judgement and God does not pat our sin on the back and say, "Dark but lovely", however... if we turn to Him and are sincere in our brokenness and struggles..He DELIGHTS in setting us free!! He LOVES us!!
And the Pharisees and scribes complained, saying, “This Man receives sinners and eats with them.” 3 So He spoke this parable to them, saying:
4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ 7 I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.
Seriously?! There is more joy over the lost one who comes home than for the righteous man who is already saved. My prayer today is that I would LIVE everyday knowing and remembering the joy of my salvation. I was lost, dirty and without a place to call home...and He saved me. He humbled Himself and ran out to meet me while I was a long way off. He didn't treat me like a step-child once I came into the family, He treated me as if I was the ONLY one. This is the beauty of the kingdom. This is the beauty of this man Jesus.
“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’” Luke 15: 31-32
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